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Intimacy
Part
Two
Articles
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In
part one we
learned that intimacy can be halted by feeling unsafe,
a reaction fueled by hidden fears. Now we'll
look at why you feel unsafe,
the trigger point, and how to heal the fear and
strengthen intimacy.
Safe Harbor
Intimacy grows from
safety so,
ask how
safe you feel
with your spouse. The less
safe you feel the lower your intimacy level.
The next step is to ask
why
you feel unsafe. The answer will reveal the
source of your impasse. For example, you
may feel unsafe due to a fear of criticism. This hidden
issue makes you fear unfavorable responses
and become less intimate. You may fear
mentioning a topic because you expect criticism.
The third
step is to discover the trigger point which connects to the root reason. For
example, if you fear criticism ask why. Ralph
always felt criticized and kept distant from
his wife, especially when she mentioned chores.
He discovered that he grew up in a critical family and
still carried the pain of constant criticism.
When his wife approached him with a question
about a chore he
felt criticized.
"Did you mail those letters?" sounded
critical to him. His key was to forgive his family and
release the past. When he unhooked from
his critical past, he was free to enjoy the
present. His wife considered his challenge and
used a more inviting tone when asking questions
about chores.
Closed
Doors
Deep hurts
can control us; forgiveness removes them. When
we carry pain from the past we close our doors.
This strategy fails for
deeper relationships, in marriage we need open hearts.
Work on safety, remove the fears,
and watch your marriage grow. Check out how
safe you feel with each other, if you uncover an
unsafe area, discuss it, find its source, and
find healing together through forgiveness.
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