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Dangerous
Expectations
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Did you ever get in a stew over unmet expectations? You wanted a quiet dinner; he invited 10
friends. Unmet expectations in marriage can create
havoc. What’s the answer?
Conventional wisdom says to dump expectations,
a solution that generates frustration. Here is a
better
plan. Rather than drop expectations, voice
them; take turns communicating expectations.
You will create closeness and fulfillment.
So, what are your expectations?
Do you value talking? Do you expect deeper
communication? Or teamwork. Are
you
a team or individuals pretending to work together?
With different aspects of your marriage, think
of your expectations and voice them in a loving
way. Here are a few areas to peruse.
Finances. Still the number one cause of
marital mishap. Discuss your expectations
concerning spending, saving, credit cards, etc. and devise a plan.
Time. Discuss expectations and work out
ways to
spend time together.
Home improvement.
She wants a new
bathroom; he a new workshop. Discuss needs
verses wants along with short, medium, and long term
goals. Make out a 1, 5 and 10 year plan. And be flexible.
Big Ticket items. Talk about your
druthers concerning televisions, cars, or other
expensive purchases. If he wants a big screen but
she wants and fridge, draw up a plan.
Sex. Expectations differ because men
and women differ. You might fear talking
about sex, but discussing it boosts love making. Most couples'
sex lives plateau within a few years of marriage for
failure to talk.
How about
children, chores, education, careers,
in-laws, or holidays?
Sharing expectations puts your life on the
table and creates partnership.
Do not unload a lifetime of pent up fulfillment.
Agree on one topic and pick a quiet safe place to talk
where you will not be distracted. If you get
ruffled due to disagreement, stop and go for a walk
or get some ice-cream. Try again later – you will
get the hang of it.
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