The Blame Game
Articles | Comments

Do you and your spouse play the blame game?  Blame sparks battles and shreds relationship.  To strengthen your marriage cry, “game over.” Here’s how.

     Blame shifts responsibility.  Check out this example. 
     Sherry tried to call her husband.  His cell was off.  Rejection boiled until it exploded to an afternoon of seething.  When he arrived home, she let him have it, “Why was your cell off, I called all day, where were you?”
     “Back off, I was in a meeting and switched it off.” 
     “You never think when it comes to me!”
     As they slung blame on each other they ignited a full-blown argument.  There is a better way.

     Shawn’s not answering his cell pushed Sherry's rejection button - she allowed insecurity to turn to fear and brew to anger.  She blamed him when she could have taken responsibility for her insecurity.  Blaming each other is easier than accepting responsibility for an issue, but blame always fails, forgiveness succeeds.

     When we refuse responsibility, we blame our spouse.  They set up a defense and war follows.  So, here is the cure, when you get triggered, stop and ask two questions:
     “What am I feeling?” Is it anger, rejection, or neglect?  Then ask, “What is the source?"  Did your parents treat you this way?  Next, tell your spouse about the trigger and discuss the source.  Sherry should have taken responsibility for her rejection.  "Today when you did not answer your cell, I felt a flood of rejection.  My father treated me this way." 
     By taking responsibility and talking you avoid an argument and find your way to healing yourself and your marriage.  Taking responsibility and talking things out; it’s a better game.   
    P.S. If you turn your phone off for a meeting, call your wife first.